GOING BACK

Susan Adam 2

I thought my days of Chemo in Louboutins were over but something struck me today and I know this was the only place to rant about it.  Unfortunately, it isn’t the new collection of adorable summer CL’s…

My 25th reunion from college is coming up in six weeks.  Princeton Reunions are indescribable and the 25th is the top of the top as far as reunions go.  Jon Bon Jovi played last year…if that gives you an indication of the scale.  A Reunion Book is published and I am finding it super stressful to fill in the questionnaire.

The first thing they are asking for is my “title”: is it dorky to put Miss at the age of 46 and Ms. is just saying the same thing.  Unfortunately, there is not enough room for Countess like at www.okadirect.com.  It always makes me smile when I receive an email from them addressed to Countess Schwartz…

Next is info on my Spouse/Partner/Children – well, I have no children and I have never been married.  Yes, I have the most delicious boyfriend ever but does the Cypriot really want to be in the Princeton Reunions yearbook?  Another page empty.

Isn’t this reunion supposed to be fun?

Now they want a picture of me…do they mean a picture of what I looked like before I lost all my hair from chemo or one with the bushy mess that sits on my head now?  Of course, I am so lucky to be alive to have hair on my head but looking in the mirror is still a challenge as I try to adapt to my 1970’s science teacher look.  “Why did you cut your beautiful hair?” – is coming I know it.  What am I supposed to say?  I always find this a hard question to answer.  Maybe because I don’t feel that I truly look like myself yet.  I certainly don’t want to be a downer so I am practicing saying “Yes, I did”…and leaving it at that.

Next page is the what’s been happening in my life since 1988 page.  “Please fill us in!  Try to limit yourself to 500 words, so that we have room for everyone when we print the yearbook.  You are not being graded, so relax and enjoy!” 500 words for 25 years…yeez, enjoy?!  I have written way more than that here and it’s only been a year.  Do I start off with..Well, it was one year ago today that I had my first AVBD infusion (May 24)…

What I really want to write is “shouldn’t we be looking forward, not back?”  Does what we do in the past define us for the next 25 years?  I am constantly growing and changing and finding out that I can do more and more things if I try – way more now than 25 years ago.  No, I don’t think that’s what their looking for.

So the next page is a killer: “Gone, but not forgotten…Please take a moment to share your tributes, remembrances and stories of our departed classmates.”  Fourteen names on a list – many of them took their own lives and many struggled with cancer.  I could have been on that list.  Again what do you say in a Reunions books?  Some polite chitchat when you really want to say that it fucking sucks that these people died?

So I am a wuss.  I answered everything the way I should…I sent them the photo above. I refrained from making any comments about my deceased classmates – I actually didn’t know any of them very well and I sent them a quirky little blurb about my claim to fame, Debbie Does Dallas. (if you don’t know what I am talking about: http://theater.nytimes.com/mem/theater/treview.html?res=980CEED7153FF933A05753C1A9649C8B63&_r=0)

What the last year has taught me is that what I went through really trumps everything.  How can I see past last year to what went before. It all seems so unimportant.  Now, I truly wake up everyday thinking – what can I achieve today that I wasn’t able to do yesterday?   My blog, bestbitsworldwide.com, is re-launching next week, my birthday follows close behind, planning trips to Greece, Cyprus and Burma – looking at today is so much better than looking back…so let’s celebrate that at Reunions!

4 thoughts on “GOING BACK

  1. Susan says:

    Leave lots of blanks & rock that whole “Woman of Mystery” vibe 🙂

  2. Stephanie Morris says:

    HEAR, HEAR!!

  3. Catherine says:

    Don’t you wish the question were way more creative rather than text book expectations? How about: how many countries have you visited? What’s the strangest food you ever ate (hospital food)? Send us a picture of your BEST shoes. That would have been way more fun. Congrats on relaunching your blog and for looking forward, not back! ~Catherine

  4. You look beautiful and perfect just as you are….celebrate it!

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